Good Morning Confirmations
My birthday is in 2 days. And I'm actually really excited. I don't usually get excited for real because my birthday is on Valentine's Day. So as I'm sure you can imagine, it's a gift and a curse. While I proudly proclaim, it's 2 separate holidays so don't combine my gifts. Deep down I'm always a little sad because most folks are occupied because it's Valentine's Day so I usually celebrate before or after because I couldn't ever ask anyone to choose me over the Love Day festivities. So if I'm not in a relationship, I pretty much expect to be alone unless I have some single girlfriends who are free to hang out (Shout out to those of you who have held me down. You know who you are 😘).
But this year my bestie is coming to be with me and we’ll celebrate our birthdays, hers was in January. And I’m really really excited about it. Thanks to her wife, my soror, for letting me have her for a lil while. It’s really really appreciated. All the frolicking will be had and I’m so excited about it.
So earlier, I decided I'd make a post to say how excited I am about my birthday. And then I got to reflecting on birthdays past. With the help of Google photos (yep I'm a proud Android user 😝) they sent me some memories in photo form and both of these pictures popped up. As I looked at them I allowed my mind to begin to reflect and here I am writing another blog post. (This keeps happening These pictures were taken approximately 20 years apart at 2 really really painful times in my life. But I was trying so so hard to be happy.
1997/1998
Junior Prom night - New Orleans, LA
2017
Photo shoot - Hammond, LA
The first picture was from the night of my junior prom. I designed the dress, actually. I wish I had more pictures so you could see the full masterpiece. I was really proud of it.
Side note...as I'm writing a glanced up at the time and it's 5:55. Numbers and patterns are a way that God talks to me and sends me messages. I put it into the "God sends me emails" bucket (see my last blog post). So I've gotten into the habit of stopping when I see the message to look up what God is trying to say at that moment.
This is the message:The number five is bold and brave, willing to stand up for itself. Angel number 555 is often seen as a symbol of positive change and new beginnings, as well as a message of encouragement and support from your angels. It can serve as a reminder to trust in the journey and know that you are being guided and supported on your path. The angel number 555 represents transition, freedom and adventure
Interesting…this is some real time processing that I didn't anticipate when I sat down to write this blog post. But I’m feeling the trust your journey, bold and brave, freedom and adventure vibe and such. Also, the song I've been listening to on repeat is PJ Morton's Good Morning that I "just so happened” to stumble upon when I was looking for something to listen to while I sit on the balcony...not to write a blog post, just to enjoy the view. Yet here I am writing a blog post. Lol. The song just came out yesterday. I haven't really been on social media lately so I had no clue. Here are a few of the lyrics:
How did I end up so lucky? It amazes me that I still make you happy. But I won't try, try to figure it out. I'll just enjoy it as I sit here on this couch.
Good morning, good morning. Sometimes I can't wait to fall asleep so I can wake up to you again. Good morning. Good morning. It's hard for me to believe it's real so I must be dreaming.
I can always depend on PJ to give me a new birthday bop. He has not ever disappointed. Thank you PJ!!
This song is a love letter to myself. To Colombia. I just told my best friend yesterday how I had slept so well in my new apartment, better than I expected. How I woke up feeling so peaceful and my spirit was settled and grounded. I told her about my balcony and how I can't wait to wake up so I can appreciate the view. Then at night I get to see the lights of the city and it's so beautiful. Good morning to the “Me Season”.
The other song I've had on repeat is this one from the tiktoks , the lyrics say:
Lord, I thank you for sunshine. Thank you for rain. Thank you for joy. Thank you for pain. It's a beautiful day. It's a beautiful day.
This is how I've woken up for the past week or so. This is what I've fallen asleep to. It's what's on while I'm sleeping. It touched me in my spirit. This gratitude every time I look out of a window for what I get to experience. Little me never saw this coming. I had no clue, but I'm glad I stuck around to find out.
God is funny. I just be Minding My Black Ass Business then here He comes like it's time to write, daughter. And everytime I find myself here I think, this is clearly supposed to be a consistent thing so why I don't be listening. I just need to stop being hard headed and write. LOL. Imma do better at logging these moments because it's so many of them throughout my days. Y'all have no idea.
Ok. So back to the picture...
it was from the night of my junior prom. I designed the dress from start to finish. I had a picture in my mind and I told my mother what I wanted. I've never really written about this but my mother is a very talented seamstress. She can make anything. I believe my mother could sew a wedding gown or a couture gown if she wanted to.
Growing up my mother used to sew many of my clothes. I distinctly remember a short set she sewed for me that I wore when she took me and my cousins to Disney World. I was probably about 6 or so. It was white popcorn material with pink bunny rabbits. And I picked out bunny rabbit buttons because you've got to coordinate. Lol. But I really didn't appreciate her skills when I was a kid because I just knew we were poor and didn't have enough. I used to say, why don't my clothes have tags in them like everybody else's?? My clothes didn't have sizes or anything. But of course, because it was custom sized to my body. I wish she would have explained the concept of custom clothes to me back then. Because I should've been way more appreciative. What I wouldn't give to have a live in seamstress who could make custom designs for me now.
My bad…I keep taking y'all on these tangents, but welcome to my brain. This is how it works. We'll talk about brain people another time. But back to this dress. So I designed it from start to finish, the thread, zipper, material, straps, tone of the metal, how high the split was. I drew it out in my mind and on paper. And my mother brought it to life. It was truly a masterpiece. I wish I had more pictures but Hurricane Katrina took that away.
As I look at this 16 year old me I remember being so happy about the dress. Grateful that I actually made it to prom and was being allowed to go. I was always in trouble for something that popped out of nowhere. I wasn't allowed to go to my senior homecoming the night of because my mother was mad at me over something stupid. (Focus Kim, I'm not gonna go down that path right now). So I was happy and ready to have a great time. I was going with my high school sweetheart and it was going to be a great time. And it was.
But underneath the smile I was counting down. I had started thinking about where I'd be going off to school. I knew I had a couple years left until I'd be free from the constant abuse and walking on eggshells. It was a rough time in that house. I also notice that I have on acrylic nails. This was the first of two times that I've worn acrylic nails. I hated them so much, but I thought that was what you were supposed to do as a fancy lady. But I didn't like them at all. I did it because I thought I was supposed to be like everyone else.
So the second picture caught my eye because
it's almost the exact same pose...20 years later.
I don't even recognize myself.
I had just completed my acting and modeling training and I was ready to start doing photo shoots and stuff. This shoot was in Hammond, LA. Better known to New Orleans people as The Country. I had accepted this shoot because I had gone home to see my grandmother who was in a nursing home with late stage dementia and this was fairly nearby. Personally I was weighed down by so much. I still had not completely gotten out of the abusive relationship. Though I had successfully ended marriage talks, I was still tied to him and in the cycle of hearing you're not good enough on at least a weekly basis. I can see that all over my face. I look so uncomfortable. So unsure. Forcing smiles. Trying to be happy because I’m supposed to. I wanted to have natural hair so I had been wearing a twist out on my relaxed hair because I didn't think I could go through with cutting my hair. I used to say it wasn't my ministry. And it wasn't at the time, but it was a foreshadowing to where I am now.
To this pose though. Why did I go into that exact same pose? There's something that's telling me that I felt like I needed to protect my womb. So again real time processing runs to google ... I've been getting into understanding chakras lately. The womb is guided by the sacral chakra. So this is what I just googled:
The symbol of the sacral chakra is orange with six petals surrounding the center. The circles in connection with the lotus flower petals represent the cycles of birth, death, and rebirth.
Energy flowing through the sacral chakra will allow one to feel dynamic, stimulated, and confident. A balanced sacral chakra will support sensuality, creativity, and healthy emotions. The sacral chakra is associated with one's relationships.
Unblocking your sacral chakra involves getting the energies of the creative, sexual, and emotional self flowing again. It also involves feeling at home in your body. Some practices for unblocking the sacral chakra include meditation and yoga, affirmation, and self-reflection.
So I'm just gonna stop there with the research, but know this is a message that resonates with me more deeply than I'm able to express right now. If you’ve been following me, you’ve seen I kind of dipped out of being present since leaving Mexico. It’s been a lot going on, most of which I haven’t really been able to explain before writing this. The part of town I was staying in for the past month was not right for my spirit. It was so loud and busy. For context, when I move to a new place I try out a few neighborhoods to determine if I want to stay longer and where is the right place for me. So I usually stay for at least a week, but sometimes up to a month. While the apartment I was staying in was brand new and beautiful. It was LOUD AF!! It felt like I was staying in the middle of the French Quarter.
Constant activity and noise.
The safari jungle Christmas experience turned into nighttime turn up noise.
Horns constantly honking.
Whistles blowing.
Motorcycles revving.
Karaoke singing.
People laughing.
Dogs barking.
Every night until at least 12am.
It was at the point that I developed a routine of having on sound baths + brown noise + guided meditation just so I could go to sleep.
During the day there was construction.
Started at 6am.
Jack hammers and circle saws.
Hammering in other apartments because the building is brand new so they were still working on some of the apartments.
It was a lot. My spirit felt frustrated. And that coupled with a busy calendar caused a lot of blockages for me that were really hard to overcome. It felt like I was being tortured with noise and sleep deprivation. It was a lot. My skin even started peeling all over my body. I literally was shedding a layer.
My skin was peeling off everywhere
It happened out of nowhere, with no real explanation.
I’m glad I’m not there anymore. And now that I’m gone I see the difference as I bask in the peace and quiet of my new place. My mind is able to breathe and think and process. Things feel so clear. But I bring all of this up to point out the consistencies in the messages I’m receiving lately. The season is shifting physically and spiritually. I’m able to reconnect to my spirit.
When I think about my life in 1997 and in 2017 these were times that I was living outside of my body to survive. I didn’t have time to feel because I constantly had to stay on guard. I was in complete survival mode and doing my best to keep it together. I’m was protecting myself from the chaos around me by shielding my sacral chakra.
Just with what I've found out since starting to write this post, I've received 3 confirmations.
5:55 - I’m on the right path, positive change and new beginnings ahead
Good Morning by PJ Morton - There's a new season on the horizon for me. Good Morning to that!
My work is to be done focusing on my sacral chakra to embrace rebirth and return back to my body and get my emotional and creative self flowing again.
If any of you that have been privy to seeing any of my talk shows or trainings or have heard me talk about where my life is right now you can attest to the fact that I’ve been talking about creativity, affirmations, tapping back into our bodies, experiencing pleasure, following what brings me joy. Which is all controlled through the sacral chakra. Patterns matter, pay attention to them.
Wow... I had no idea how this blog post would end or where my thoughts would lead. There's a lot for me to process here and I know it’s kind of all over the place, but this is me logging this now as a receipt to come back to so that I can show you how God works. So file it away for later.
I want to leave with a letter to the younger me that I see in these pictures.
Kim,
You are so special and people just don't know what to do with you. They've tried to beat the gifts out of you but it's only made them stronger. You're not alone because you're not worthy. You're alone because they weren't worthy. They didn't deserve you. And no, you aren't like everyone else. That is on purpose. It's by design. Everybody can't handle you. They don't know what to do with you or how to process your greatness. So they made you think it was you. That you weren't enough. That you are a problem. But they lied. You are a world changer. Literally!! Your words have power. People listen when you speak.
Girl, do you know you're going to grow up and move to a different country? Yes girl, you're gonna frolick around Mexico. Then you're going to settle in Colombia. You’re going to see things that you never even thought possible. You're going to refine your voice. And baby you’re going to take numbers and name names. You’re going to break the cycles that have plagued your family for generations. You're going to have a platform to encourage people across the planet. When you speak people will listen. You're going to stop trying to blend in and be happy to stand out. And that's going to help others to do the same. Keep living baby girl. It's some rough times ahead, but you will make it out and inspire people near and far. You discover your purpose. You learn to love. You change the world. You shine.
Thank you all for coming along on this journey through my brain with me. It is greatly appreciated.
Kimberland
