✨️GRATITUDE✨️

I've been trying to be much more intentional about stopping to appreciate where life has brought me from and to.  As I add experiences to my rolodex I can't help but think back on the boxes I've broken out of. 

**Trigger Warning**

I grew up in a broken and abusive home. My father died by suicide before I was born. My mother used me as a trophy for her own ego, bragging about my accomplishments while simultaneously murdering my spirit every chance she got and depriving me of a relationship with my Dad (step-father).

I left New Orleans when I went off to college. I knew I had to leave so I could experience a different way of living outside of my upbringing. I had been preparing for this since I was in 2nd grade.  Scholarship opportunities gave me options and the freedom to make my own decision.  Fisk chose me the moment I stepped foot onto the campus.  I felt chills in my soul.  For the first time, I understood my Blackness through the eyes of those who saw my value and worth. 

I lost my scholarship along the way, left wondering if I'd have to return home a failure with no degree. But options kicked in and UNCF stepped up to cover my senior year. I graduated cum laude with a GPA of 3.9 that year after having failed so much I thought I was really stupid. 

Instead of staying in Nashville I chose to move to Tampa where I knew nothing and no one.  Didn't really know why, but felt called to go. Thought it was for grad school. But my brain was tired. So I started working to make ends meet. I worked my way up from the register to manager and gained valuable people and business experience. 

I started teaching after I saw a commercial and had a dream.  Didn't go to school for that but felt that it was what God wanted me to do. Turns out teaching was my calling. It was easy. It was fun. It was rewarding.  I took pride in knowing I was changing my students' lives. They also changed mine. My students showed up for me on so many days in ways they will never fully understand.  When I was living with depression they kept me going. They loved me and appreciated me. They received the life lessons I was giving and many of them still walk with those lessons today. 

I freed myself from an abusive relationship that mirrored the relationship I had with my mother.  My self esteem was eroded.  My spirit was broken. I had nowhere to turn for help because everybody had an opinion but nobody knew how to give help that actually felt like help.  But God gave me the strength, the pathway and the guidance through therapy to build myself back up again and leave. 

I left teaching to increase my impact exponentially through working in school improvement. They sought me out and wore me down to accept the offer. I felt like someone I had finally seen all I had to offer.   But then I was fired a week later for sharing my story of how a school board member tried to bully me out of my job through fabricated lies. But God had to get me out of there some kind of way or I wouldn't have left. 

Jack, my dog, died after battling lymphoma. He was 10 years old. That was my Pop Pop. He kept me going many days and my life revolved around making sure he was OK.  Without Jack and without a job I fell into depression again.  I didn't go outside for weeks.  I had no idea how I would pay my bills. There was no income. But I had sold my house and was able to live off of my savings along with the generosity of people who heard about my story. 

I decided to leave Florida because there was nothing left for me there.  I packed my things to move up north.  I accepted a job on behalf of the Pennsylvania Department of Education. I was able to craft a position for myself.  School Improvement Specialist focusing on School Climate and Culture. Seeing the drastic inequities and manifestations of an extremely racist and broken educational system drove me to speak out.  Which put a target on my back with my employer. I found myself the object of lies and false narratives combined with a sophisticated plan to discredit and dispose of me. Because they couldn't fire me they laid everyone off thinking that would do the job. 

You see, I've learned that my purpose in life is to expose things.  I don't usually know what I'm exposing at the time. I just show up, start asking questions and soon after shit hits the fan. Predatory patterns are exposed.  Dishonest intentions are brought to light. Harmful and hurtful behaviors are put on blast. 

During that time I took a solo trip to Colombia so I could try to get my life back on track...or so I thought.  I met some Black women who showed me I could have a different way of life that I had never considered.  I left with a clear understanding that my freedom would be tied to being brave enough to leave the US. 

I lost friends and family along the way who decided that I wasn't important enough to be extended grace through all I was going through.  They created narratives that were totally false about me in their minds and their actions started to match those behaviors.  I didn't understand it.  And God did it hurt like hell. But I knew it was with purpose because there is no room on this journey for those who can't see my humanity. There's no room for those who are committed to misunderstanding me.  There's no room for those who are secretly jealous of my success.  Instead of dragging along dead weight, I chose to create space for those that God wanted to align me with for this phase in life.  

I gained some supporters who consistently cheer me on.  They share the responsibility of keeping in touch.  They operate from a selfless place without placing their own trauma on me.  They promote an environment that allows me to freely fly without trying to put me back into a box.  

Oh and remember that job situation?? Well because they laid me off it gave me the chance to establish my own thing. Fully and completely my own.  I still support educators. I still support children.   I just get to do it on my own terms and my own time from anywhere I am in the world. My abusers still have to hear my name.  They still have to hear about the work I'm doing to disrupt the system that is keeping them employed with their ill intentions.  A few of them have already reaped their karma.  The rest of them...their time is near. 

God has given me an international platform that allows me to have a global impact.  It's surreal every single day that I reflect on these experiences.  But none of this would have happened if I didn't break out of the boxes. None of this would have happened if I didn’t learn to trust the God in me. None of this would have happened if I didn't go through those horribly hard times. None of this would have happened if I would have stayed in a comfortable place trying not to rock the boat. My God...this is a freedom like I've never experienced and it feels amazing!!!

Sometimes I still find new boxes.  But thankfully I've done the work of recognizing them and smashing them to smithereens with lightning speed. My promise to myself is to continue to grow.  Continue to flourish.  Continue to thrive.  And continue to frolick.  

I'm a Professional Box Buster and Professional Frolicker every single day. You should join me here. It's LIT!